Yes, you will take on one or more of these roles with different members of your family and it is unhealthy.
You may not be aware of it but have a look at these dysfunctional family roles and see which you identify with. Think of examples and how this is impacting on you!
The Caretaker:
- Is the mother figure sibling
- They are older in years then their age
- Feels responsible and often takes the blame for their siblings
The Hero:
- Often the eldest child in the family
- People say you are a perfectionist and you do not like to fail
- Feel guilty if things do not go right
The Lost Child:
- Does not like conflict
- Independent and may be seen as a loner
- Finds it difficult asking for help
The Scapegoat:
- Will do things on THEIR terms
- Often angry
- Thinks life is unfair
The Mascot:
- Has a lot of energy
- Will try to deflect with humour
- Gets the blame when things go wrong
The Manipulator:
- Knows the roles of other family members and using this information to manipulate them
- Often turn into bullies
- Feels the world owes them something
Why are these unhealth?
You can pick any family role and work out the impact this has on individuals. These roles continue into adulthood unless the behaviours are realised, and action is taken to stop. They effect individuals mentally and physically. For example:
The Caretaker grows up far too quickly and often misses out on their childhood. This carries on into adulthood where they put others before themselves meaning they are often tired, exhausted even. They are the piggy in the middle who will go without to keep other people (outside of their family) happy while they suffer. They have difficulty relaxing and having child-like fun.
The Scapegoat goes into adult life with a chip on their shoulder, they do not accept responsibility for their actions, so they are stuck and have difficulty moving on. This could be that they cannot hold down a job or relationship and they will say this is not their fault, it is always someone else’s which stops them from getting anything done.
Write some examples of situations and behaviours, work out which role/s you fall into and think about how you can change this to have a positive impact on your self and in your life.
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