Perfectionism and why I think it’s evil! Along with 22 brilliant realities of being a perfectionist!

Wouldn’t that mean that we could never laugh at ourselves for doing something daft?  You know, like when you put the coffee in the fridge and leave the milk out to spoil?!

Wouldn’t that mean we couldn’t laugh at our children for doing something daft because that would be encouraging them and that is wrong?

See, I’m looking too deep into things again, but why are so many of us perfectionists? And what does that actually mean?

I took on a lot of responsibility at a young age and I think this fuelled my strive perfectionism, so instead of grieving for a lost childhood, I resorted to always try and better myself.  A better job, more money, another qualification that ‘could’ get me a better job, brush up on some knowledge that could be useful, oh and let’s just learn something new because I need a hobby to get me away from the stress of work!  My brain was full to capacity and I needed to rest from anything academic and mentally stimulating.   I was never happy with my work or what I had achieved it always felt I had to be better than I was. 

Now a bit of perfectionism is absolutely fine! It’s a good motivator; it can keep you on your toes, but stop, take a look back and ask yourself:

• Is everything there?
• Is it presentable?
• Can your audience understand it?
• Have you completed the task?

Yes – then leave it be, you have done your best and have done what is asked of you!  If changes are required, then you will be asked to make them.

If someone does what I ask for, then Perfect thank you!

If I do a piece of work for someone, then I’m … Oh that box could be bigger, I need to fill the page, Oh that needs to be centred, what does it look like in another font, I need to find a better picture… Argghh Emma, it is done!  Stop creating more work for yourself!  And that is only doing a simple spreadsheet sheet that will be used internally for everybody to scribble on.  What am I doing!?!?!?!?!?!??! 

Another one, let me rewrite my notes so everyone can understand them!  Is it legible, do people get the point = Yes… and I am sure you get the point, I am driving myself mad just writing this, along with the frustration and energy it takes out of me. 

So Yes, I think perfectionism is pretty evil!

Do I really need to start messing with the work or process?  Is messing going to create a lot more work for me? Can I delegate something I know will be a perfectionists dream?

I found a list of 22 evil realities of being a perfectionist -- with a capital P

And what stood out to me was the stress, anxiety and misery that comes along with being a perfectionist.  I used to think it was a good thing ‘I just want to get it right!’.  Why couldn’t other people see I was just trying to do my best?  

What I didn’t realise was that my work was good enough and that I WAS GOOD ENOUGH!  As long as I had done my best i.e. proof read, answered all the questions, completed everything that needs to be done, then why am I thinking this needs to be better and better and better?  The work is there, the right words are in it, by adding and changing things I am causing myself stress and wasting time on something completely unnecessary.

Here are 22 evil realities of being a perfectionist -- with a capital P:

1. You can't ever be daring or do something rebellious because the anxiety of not knowing the outcome or being out of control is too much to handle.
2. The constant pressure to maintain the "perfect" image you created for yourself in other people’s mind.
3. Being teased by friends for "always having to be perfect" or making fun of your perfectionist tendencies.
4. Missing out on being young because you had to be "responsible."
5. Never having fun and never going out. "Relaxing" and "letting loose" are not in your vocabulary.
6. Being told whom you can and cannot date because for virtually every person you like, someone tells you he or she "isn't good enough for you."
7. Someone interested in you doesn’t make any moves because he or she thinks you are so put together and independent, there's no way he or she could be good enough for you. (The sad part is, sometimes, the person who thinks this is the person for whom you have feelings.)
8. Or, people are not interested in you because they know about your perfectionist lifestyle, and they just can’t deal with it. It’s a turn-off.
9. You are so hard on yourself that body image and eating disorders start to creep in.
10. The exhaustion of always trying to do everything right.
11. You fear you'll feel trapped like this forever.
12. You are tired of letting numbers rule your life; you missed out on 90 percent of college because you would have a mental breakdown if you earned any grade below a 90 percent.
13. You hate when people are mad at you, so you always try to please everyone, which means sacrificing how you feel or what is right, just to keep the peace.
14. Perfection equals success, right? Therefore, you think if you slip up just once (like by doing something rebellious that gets you in trouble), your whole future is going down the drain.
15. As much as you don’t want to be, you are overly critical of others.
16. You feel compelled to always do everything way beyond what is necessary.
17. You would rather do something yourself than trust others to do it for you.
18. Because you are always stressed, you have “meltdowns” all the time.
19. No matter how many times people tell you not to stress, it just falls on deaf ears.
20. Your constant need to have a plan makes it hard for you to get along with your “go with the flow/procrastinator” friends.
21. You can never just relax; your head is always chattering with the next due date, next project or what you need to do tomorrow.
22. You are consumed with caring about what other people will think.

https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/22-absolutely-evil-things-true-perfectionists-will-understand/943910

I know I have been at least every one of those 22 things at some point, which is actually quite sad I think!   Can you see the stress and anxiety that can be caused in order to strive for perfectionism?!

It takes care, love, patience and understanding to stop being so hard on yourself and realise first that you are good enough as you are!  Just how much can you identify with the list above?  Have you changed?  How have you done it?

I just went to a meeting in a treatment centre and written on the whiteboard was:

‘I never lose, I either win or learn’ – Mandella

How very adapt! Have a lovely thought provoking day J

What are your thoughts on how your strive for perfectionism is affecting your health?